Matt Dubya Meets Foop from Beyond Average

Dear Journal,

            Today was absolutely beyond average!  I went into a dilapidated mansion, that was strangely coated from top to bottom in cobwebs, I tried looking for some delicious spiders to eat, but couldn’t find a single one…  Or at least I couldn’t immediately, but that one… Meh, I’ll get to that in a minute.
            While walking around spider hunting, I just kept hearing this noise that was like, “Foop! Foop!”  I thought it might’ve been one of those barking spiders, which started to make my mouth water, but then upon discovering where the sound was coming from, turned out to be just a barking dog…  A sweet, delicious looking dog… Unfortunately though, he was too cute to eat, but I was totally eating him with my eyes! He also seemed a little intellectually disabled, and who the heck am I to hurt something that doesn’t understand how to spell the letter “A.”
            In the end, I took the dog with me out of the house…  While leaving I saw the biggest, most delicious spider my eyes could’ve ever laid their gaze on!  I swear, it was like a 71 pointer! Sadly, with my hands full of dog, I’ll have to come back another time for that delicious spider, I just hope no one beats me to it first!